This season seems to be centered around death work for me which lead to my most recent drawing, Squirrel in a Matchbox. Keeping in line with exploring legacy projects and wanting to deepen my experience with this Death Doula practice, I decided I wanted to honor the first life I ever paid tribute to in ritual. In my case, it was a baby squirrel. This little one was the first to fall from a nest in one of my grandma's trees in the front yard. I found it at the base of the tree when I wandered away from the swingset. I was under ten years old. I remember finding the tiny creature and then sobbing. I was distraught knowing that I couldn't help it. I was distraught learning that babies could die at the very start of their journey in this world. TV was one thing but this was my first experience holding a dead being in my hands and knowing I couldn't end it there. So my child brain decided to hold a special burial for the squirrel. My grandma and I grabbed a matchbox from the drawer in the kitchen, placed it inside with some flowers, and buried it under a tree in the pasture behind the house.

My experience is not unique but I still remember the sadness at losing the squirrel that Spring. And to be honest, looking back, I think it was a pretty good indicator of where my path might take me. From caring for those in a nursing home, learning about end of life care, and now my continued Death work; I think of the squirrel in the matchbox and it fits on that line too.

Nowadays when I see animals taken back by death in nature I chant a blessing instead of providing a matchbox. This drawing, however, is simply recording that moment in time and my tendency to walk with Death instead of away from it, even from a young age. And now I have a legacy project to remember and keep that sacred moment alive and carry it with me.