Death Memorial Projects as Ancestor Work
Mel on Aug 3rd 2021
Earlier this year, in the midst of the pandemic and housebound, I was considering ways to move forth with ancestor work. Although cemeteries aren't usually bustling with activity, the grounds where I do my normal honor offering is quite a distance from my house. Between navigating the latest mental shift of being primarily at home for over a year, completing online education with my 6 year old, and the never-ending cycle of cleaning the house we never leave, my honoring process had to adapt to the times.
Here is where I welcomed in ancestry online services. I started diving into my family tree for the first time and spent quite a few late nights piecing together what little I could to understand their histories that built up to be my future. After a few nights of deep diving, I decided to find an ancestor project within my growing family tree. I wasn't sure what that project would be but I knew I would know it when I saw it.
The tree held a few surprises for me. Although I knew of my Irish and German roots from the knowledge of immediate relatives, anything deeper was lost to time. Scotland, however, popped up much more than any of the other lands and from multiple branches on the tree. It was on one of these branches that I discovered a painting of a woman in the 1600s. A commissioned portrait, a face to a name from all those years ago; this was the moment I met the Lady Grange (Rachel Chiesley.)
As I tried to tie all the strings together, I found someone not too different from myself. An outspoken individual, who wasn't afraid to chase after what she was owed, and was ultimately punished for her will. After a separation from her husband and threatening to expose him as a traitor if he didn't send money to support her and their children, he had her kidnapped and taken to live in isolation on island off the Scotland coast. At least one rescue was attempted and failed and the Lady Grange was left to perish alone in a cottage on one of the rotating islands of her imprisonment. She was somewhere in her sixties.
I was struck by her story. Speaking the truth made her unlikable for her time, and she wasn't protected during her abusive situation like she should have been. Her kidnapping and island damnation was seen as a "martial issue" and the government washed their hands of a loud mouthed woman.
Once I read through as much information as I could find, I knew I had found the ancestor I needed to honor. I grabbed a jar of buttons passed from my aunt, to my grandmother, and then to me. I knew this was going to be the medium I used to recreate the ruins of her last home. I wanted to memorialize her life, her memory, and her unfair treatment at the hands of someone who was supposed to love her. I wanted to make sure she wasn't forgotten again to my family.
I selected that jar of buttons for this project from the multiple hands it passed through to get to me. My aunt, my grandma, Rachel, and I would all be connected in building a piece of work together across time and even the afterlife. Buttons, to me, are a very liminal object as well. They connect fabrics from different directions and make a bridge from one side to the other. The construction of this piece, stacking the buttons, gluing them as a foundation to build the whole cottage; it truly felt like it was building that bridge back and making that connection located so far in the past, so very present and alive.
A few weeks later I began my training in Death Doula work. I learned the importance of the grieving process and making living projects for those who came before to carry with us into the future. A living memory of them. And although I couldn't ask Lady Grange (Rachel) how she wanted to be remembered in this project specifically, I wanted to take away what was authentically her from her tragic story. Her foundation, as well as, her cottages' ruins are unshakeable. They are still here today along with her story. Lady Grange the unshakable, the unwavering, the uncompromising. Her strength and her resolve live in those stones and my blood to this day. I may not have known her but her strength can echo through my actions, my uncompromised, my outspokenness. I ache for the way her life ended but I'm grateful for the fight she put up for her and her babies in spite of the fate she probably knew would await her in doing so.
Every step we take in this life is due to the steps that came before ours. Thank you Rachel, I hope I walk a path you can feel honored by and I hope this piece pays tribute to your legacy.
